7 Years Old: A Learning Process
It has been a long time since I have posted truly personal, life type things here, but I feel that it is time to revisit a bit of myself and my feelings. After all, that is how this blog came to be in the first place.
I started this blog when Ethan was around a year old and realizing that we were about to enter the unknown world of Autism, and boy, what a scary place that was for me. This was my place to come to express my fears, share photos, and document our lives. In fact, today is his 7th birthday and I can’t even express how much I love him without ending up in a pile of happy tears.
7 years ago today, Ethan came into this world early and certainly not without drama. I will never forget the moment he was born and we could tell that something wasn’t “right”. He wasn’t breathing and we could actually hear the silence in the room, that type of silence that actually sends chills up your spine. I can’t even begin to describe how frightening it was. The NICU team rushed in and took him away and there I sat, realizing that this motherhood thing wasn’t going to be easy. I can’t quite describe my emotions, but I remember having a gut feeling…perhaps a mother’s intuition.
Being a new mom, I had read all of the books, watched the shows, read online stories and I felt ready to do it all. And I did. I watched his every movement, took him to playdates, rocked him to sleep, did everything I knew how. However, that gut feeling kept creeping back every once in a while. I would bring up my fears to family and they reassured me that everything was fine, so I obliged and continued on and did what all of the other moms were doing…. living life day to day.
But what they didn’t know is that I would cry when I got home from playdates because I was the one seeing the differences between him and other kids his age and it hurt my heart. I was seeing that my intuition was correct and that scared the crap out of me. It was so incredibly tough to realize that my kid, the kid that I loved so much, was going to need some help, but I was the one that would do it. And that is just what I did.
During nap times and bedtimes, I spent hours researching and gathering phone numbers and getting connected with resources. I met several people online that helped me more than I can express. They know who they are <3 and thank you.
Finally, I made my phone calls and they sent the evaluation team to the house to check Ethan out. In my heart, I was hoping that they would come and tell me that I was crazy, that he was fine, but that isn’t what happened. Their entire team agreed that he needed further evaluations because “his scores were consistent with possible Autism”.
Hearing someone else tell me that what I had been thinking was correct sent me into a tailspin of emotions. On one hand, I was relieved that I wasn’t crazy… that what I had been seeing was real. On the other hand, I was devastated. This isn’t what I had planned when I wanted to have kids. It was such a raw surge of emotions, but I knew that we would tackle this together and that everything would be okay.
It was certainly not the end of the world. In fact, it was the beginning of a new life.
Soon after his evaluations, we started intensive in-home therapies several times a week, sought out new techniques to deal with his behaviors, and did everything we possibly could to ensure a fantastic outcome for Ethan. He went to special pre-schools, special camps, and had the most amazing therapists that not only helped Ethan, but helped myself and Garrett get through those tough times.
I truly believe that getting Ethan the early interventions was the key to his current successes. We saw the progress made in just a few years and we owe a huge thanks to so many people.
There was a point where I was mourning the life I had imagined, but I am learning that there is no such thing as an imagined life. Life is what it is and you have to embrace it and all of the challenges that come with it.
Today Ethan is 7 and we will never stop facing challenges. In fact, the challenges we are facing today are more difficult and will require different techniques, but we are prepared for it all. We will never ever stop helping guide him through life.
All I know is that my heart is so filled with a special kind of love for him. A love that I can’t even begin to describe.
Happy 7th Birthday to my strong, funny, loving boy.
